


Benefits

by bitboozy



Series: Domesticated [25]
Category: Broadchurch
Genre: Baby Hardy Bastard Child of Broadchurch, Dancing!, Established Relationship, F/M, Gen, Office Romance, Post-Series, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-11-09 02:09:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20845814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitboozy/pseuds/bitboozy
Summary: In which Alec and Ellie go to the doctor, share their news with everyone at work, and attend a charity benefit.





	1. Chapter 1

By 7:30am on a Friday morning, the Miller-Hardy household is already bristling with activity. Breakfast is a frenzy of cutlery, dishware, sloshing orange juice, and pancakes flying through the air. Daisy has already had to excuse herself once to change her top after Fred spills his cereal all over her.

Yet somehow, despite the flurry of noise and nonsense, Ellie has managed to sleep through it all. Alec bounds up the stairs to their bedroom to check on her. He cracks open the door and finds her splayed across the entirety of the bed. She’s so tiny, he’s not sure how she does it. But she manages. 

Quietly, he crawls underneath the covers behind her and curls his body to hers. “Ellie.” He kisses her earlobe and slips his hand underneath her t-shirt.

She flinches. “Cold hands,” she murmurs into her pillow.

He rubs his hand over her hip, to her slightly protruding stomach, to her ribcage. “Wake up, love. Kids are all downstairs.”

“Good for them.”

He kisses her shoulder, then her neck. “We’ve got that early appointment with Dr. Sinclair this morning, we need to get a move on.”

“Ugh,” she groans.

He slides his hand up to her breasts and gently massages one.

“If you think _that’s_ the way to get me _out_ of bed, you’re daft,” Ellie complains, unconsciously arching into his hand.

“Right.” He removes his hand, squeezes her hip, then swats her arse as he climbs out of bed again. “Come on then.”

“_Cold._” She pulls the blankets up over her head.

Alec starts pulling clothing out of her closet and throws them onto the bed. “Can’t miss this appointment, El.”

“Easy for you to say,” Ellie replies, throwing the covers off again purely so she can glare at him. “You’re not the one that has to get poked and prodded and weighed and penetrated by horrible metal contraptions.”

“No, but I do have to endure Sinclair’s judgy overtures about gettin’ you pregnant out of wedlock,” he replies.

“Well, SO DO I!” Ellie exclaims. She swings her legs over the edge of the mattress and gets up.

He knew that if she got annoyed enough with him she would eventually get out of bed if only to berate him at close range. 

“The worst part is _now he wins_!” She says, poking him hard in the shoulder on her way to the loo. “He’ll see this sodding engagement ring and thinks he’s _reformed us_.”

“That sodding engagement ring cost me a pretty penny, I’ll have you know.” She makes a face back at him. He leans against the doorframe while she washes her face. “Once we get the all-clear from Sinclair, we should probably go ahead and tell everyone at work. Give it to them all in one go, the baby and the engagement.”

She looks at him sporting an expression of exaggerated pain and discomfort. “I’m going back to bed.

She tries to get past him but he stops her. “No no no you don’t.”

They hear a loud screech from downstairs. Fred, probably. He starts out of the room. “I want to see you downstairs and ready to go in fifteen minutes and that’s an order, Sergeant.”

As he exits, she calls after him, “And since when have I ever followed one of those!”

* 

In the exam room at Dr. Sinclair’s office, Alec sits patiently in a chair while Ellie endures everything she predicted. They prick, prod, and penetrate her with all manner of instruments. She takes it like a champion, experienced and composed. He reaches for her hand now and again, more than likely to comfort himself rather than to comfort her. It’s wildly uncomfortable to witness.

Eventually, the nurse takes her leave with all her samples, specimens, and data. Which is good because Alec isn’t sure he can take anymore. When the door closes behind the nurse, Ellie exhales heavily, like she’s been holding it in for the last thirty minutes. She changes back into her street clothes, then sits on the edge of the exam table, feet dangling in the air. Alec stands beside her and rubs her back. 

“Well done, love,” he says.

She shrugs. She knows this isn’t nearly the worst of it. It’s early days yet.

He massages her shoulders with both hands and she closes her eyes. She’s uncharacteristically quiet.

“You nervous?” He asks her, surprise coloring his voice before he even hears the answer. She’s rarely nervous, the question alone feels foreign to him.

“A bit,” she admits, barely audible.

He kisses the side of her head and pulls her into him.

A short knock on the door precipitates Dr. Sinclair’s entrance. He smiles curtly and shuts the door behind him. “Ellie. Alec. Good to you see back.”

Alec settles into a chair next to the exam table. Dr. Sinclair pulls a rolling stool up to it. 

“Your father tells me you two have gone and gotten yourselves engaged,” he says, blatantly eyeing the ring on Ellie’s finger.

“Yes,” Ellie answers, swallowing down obscenities.

“Congratulations.”

“Thank you,” Alec says, before Ellie can snap on him.

“Now then. How are you feeling, Ellie?” He asks with a polite smile.

“Fine. Normal really,” she replies. “Bit tired. Have to wee _constantly_. Ravenous at almost all times.”

“Good, good.” He looks down at her chart. “How’s the morning sickness?”

“Mostly subsided. Only once or twice these last two weeks.”

“Headaches?”

“No, not really.”

“And your sex drive, up or down?” He’s checking things off on the chart.

Alec makes the mistake of scoffing. Sinclair looks up. “What’s that?”

“Nothin’. Carry on."

Ellie sighs. “Up. But it’s been up from the beginning, if I’m being honest.”

“Fine, that’s fine.” Sinclair nods. “May go down a bit, don’t be surprised if it takes a sudden dip. Shouldn’t last long.”

Ellie and Alec exchange glances that they hope the doctor does not see. He stands and puts the chart down. “Lie back?” She scoots back on the exam table and lies down. “Lift your blouse for me please.”

She does. He feels around her abdomen with his hands, pressing into her flesh. Alec reaches for her hand again and kisses it, as they endure Sinclair’s silence.

“Well, you’ve not gained quite as much weight as we’d like,” he says finally. “This being your third child. But nothing to worry about yet. Everything feels good. Any tenderness for you?”

“Erm, no.”

“Good.” He picks up her chart again. “Now. We have it noted that your miscarriage eleven years ago ago occurred at…ten and a half weeks. Is that right?”

Ellie goes pale. “Yes.”

“Well.” He gives her a reassuring smile that is somehow not so reassuring to her. “You’ve made it to twelve. Shall we have a look and a listen?” 

She nods. He spreads some ultrasound jelly on her stomach and readies the machine. Alec stands and moves to her side, keeping hold of her hand.

“Are you ready to hear your baby’s heartbeat?”

Alec and Ellie look at each other, smile, then look to the ultrasound screen. Ellie knows this is sort of a moment of truth. She knows there’s a small chance that the ultrasound won’t find any heartbeat at all. She squeezes Alec’s hand tightly as Dr. Sinclair presses the transducer to her stomach. He moves it around until they see a vague, fluid picture on the screen. And then, after a moment that feels like a lifetime, they hear the faint but steady beating of the heart. 

Ellie breathes out, dropping her head back in relief. Alec’s eyes are transfixed on the screen.

“There’s your baby,” Dr. Sinclair says happily. “You’ll see the toes there. Fingers here.” He points them out on the screen.

“She has _toes_,” Alec says in awe, staring steadily while holding Ellie’s hand to his chest.

“Look, you can see a bit of movement there.” Sinclair points to the slight flexing of fingers.

Ellie looks at Alec, his eyes are filled with tears. She grins. “Hey,” she says to get his attention. He looks at her and kisses her softly.

“Fingers and toes,” Alec whispers, possibly to himself. “What about the, erm, gender?”

“Can’t tell from the ultrasound just yet,” Sinclair replies. “We are doing a CVS test to check for chromosomal abnormalities, standard for expectant mothers Ellie’s age, and we’ll be able to tell you the sex of the baby when we get the results back.”

Alec has barely heard him, so enamored is he with the sound of the baby’s heartbeat filling his ears.

“All right,” Ellie says. “And you’ll want to do an amniocentesis next time?”

“That’s up to you. But I’d certainly recommend it.” Sinclair looks at Alec. “That’ll be a difficult one for you to watch, so you may want to – “ 

“I’ll be there.” Alec turns his attention to the doctor now. “I’ll always be here. You can expect me every time.”

Ellie cannot hide her smile, though she tries to. Sinclair nods slowly.

“Good, then.”

“Can we get a recording of this?” Alec asks, gesturing into the air. “The heartbeat.”

Sinclair nods again. “I’ll let them know up front that you’d like one.”

“Appreciate it.”

“All right. Last looks,” the doctor says, preparing to turn the machine off.

He hands Ellie several paper towels to clean herself up, then ends the ultrasound. Ellie sits up and slides down to the edge of the exam table.

“So. We’ll certainly be in touch with the results of the tests we administered today, but everything looks to be progressing smoothly.” Dr. Sinclair sits back down on the stool and picks up his chart again. “I’d like you to smart monitoring your diet a little more closely now. We are concerned about you gaining weight, but you’ll want to keep to healthy foods and less of the greasy bits.” 

Ellie feels attacked by his knowing stare at her. She frowns at him. Alec bows his head and chuckles quietly.

“I can help with that,” Alec volunteers.

Ellie glares at _him_ now.

“High fiber is best. Keep to drinking lots of fluids. And,” Sinclair continues. “Just a few tips that you may remember from going down this road before, at this point, you’ll likely want to start sleeping on your side. Keep an eye on your posture, you’ll start to feel a good deal of stress on your back soon – a massage now and then would be worth your while. You’ll want to start looking into childbirth classes around now, if you so choose, and we’re happy to help connect you if that’s useful. It’s important for you to stay as active as possible now while you still can. I recommend about thirty minutes a day. Are you getting any exercise at the moment?”

Alec sees a familiar glint in her eyes, and what she says next should not be surprising given how much Dr. Sinclair is obviously annoying her now.

“Well, we have quite a lot of sex.”

Alec sighs. Ellie keeps her gaze trained on Dr. Sinclair, clearly hoping to make him as uncomfortable as possible. As usual, it does not work.

“Good, good,” he says. “That’s fine enough as long as it’s of the _gymnastic _variety.” He holds her gaze, accepting her challenge.

“Oh,” Ellie replies. “_It is_.”

Alec’s hand goes to the back of his neck, trying to rub out the pain he suddenly feels there.

“A walk after dinner won’t hurt you either,” Dr. Sinclair says.

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

Alec looks between them waiting to see which one of them will break first. It’s the doctor. He looks back at her chart and Ellie grins triumphantly to herself.

“The last thing is, and you’ll _certainly_ remember this from a few years past, I’d like you to be mindful of your stress level at work.”

Ellie groans. There’s a large part of her that’s convinced it was motherhood that led to her being passed up for the DI job. She had been working toward it already when she unexpectedly fell pregnant with Fred, and then pregnancy and maternity leave and an infant at home certainly had not worked in her favor, fair or not. She had still been breastfeeding Fred up until shortly before they’d left for Florida. The boys in CID had not known quite what to do with that. 

“I know you don’t like to hear this, but like it or not you’ve got one of the more stressful jobs out there,” Dr. Sinclair notes. “I’m not telling you to stop. I’m just suggesting that you monitor yourself. Keep your caseload a little smaller. Be more careful on call outs.”

Alec takes this very much to heart. “She works for me. I’ll see to it.”

Ellie slowly turns to him, fixing him with a withering glare. Alec does not waver in his conviction.

“I’m with her all the time,” he continues, looking at the doctor. “Literally all the time.”

Ellie all but growls. “Not for much longer you keep _that_ up.”

“Good,” Dr. Sinclair. “Any other questions?

Neither Alec nor Ellie says a thing.

“Right, then. We’ll speak soon.”

Dr. Sinclair gathers his things and exits the room swiftly. Ellie opens her mouth, clearly with intent to yell at him, but Alec speaks first.

“Don’t.” He holds a hand up. She closes her mouth. “Don’t ruin this please. We just heard our baby’s heartbeat. I’d like to live in that a little longer.”

She softens. “Right, sorry.” She reaches out to touch his cheek. “You still want to tell people today?”

“Think we may as well.” He rubs her arm. “Get past it.”

“Mmm, yes,” she agrees. “Anyway I want to wear my green dress to the benefit tonight and I’d prefer people think I’m pregnant and not just overweight.”

“Which is the green dress?

“The one that leaves _nothing_ to the imagination.”

His face lights up. “_Oh_. Right.”

“If I can still fit my tits into it.”

** 


	2. Chapter 2

Back at the station, DI Hardy and DS Miller find themselves procrastinating. 

Feeling quite enamored of each other, and of what they’ve made together, after the emotional event of hearing their baby’s heartbeat for the first time, they sequester themselves in his office. Alec sits on the edge of his desk, one foot on the floor, and Ellie stands between his knees. They can’t keep from kissing each other – it feels like a reward after surviving their twelve-week appointment with Dr. Sinclair – and Alec also can’t help untucking Ellie’s shirt so his hands can feel her stomach, still a bit sticky from ultrasound gel.

“Okay, love,” Ellie says eventually, moving her lips from his to the side of his mouth.

“Mm.”

He unfastens the bottom few buttons of her shirt and pushes the sides open, leaning his forehead against her chest, in between her breasts. He has one arm around her waist, the other hand flat on her stomach. She cannot be mad at this, though she feels somewhat self-conscious about the attention that is placed on her body now. She can only smile and runs a hand lightly through his hair. 

If anyone outside the door happened to walk in right now, he would have to quit. Snogging against a wall is one thing, but this…this is too vulnerable an Alec Hardy for him to allow _anyone _to witness except for her.

“Will you be massively annoyed if I tell you how incredible I think you are?” He murmurs against her.

“Yes,” she replies without hesitation. But the hand that’s not in his hair slides up and down his back appreciatively.

He grunts. It’s odd how sometimes _she’s_ the one who shies away from this kind of affection, despite words of affirmation being her love language. He knows it’s the attention. She’s never liked attention. But he knows genuine affection is something she yearns for. He does appreciate that anytime she spurns his attempts at sentimentality, she unconsciously makes up for it by offering him his _own _love language, touch.

He also knows she’ll let him stay like this for as long as he needs. Bent against her, pressed into her, breath warm on her skin, staring down at the milky flesh he’s revealed by pushing open her blouse, hands roaming it. Connected to her. As long as he stays _quiet_. 

Ellie closes her eyes, rubbing his back and smoothing his hair, and slows her breath like she’s in the middle of a meditation.

She used to hate this part of pregnancy. Feeling consistently disgusted with her own body – the bloating, the swelling, the expanding – all the while being worshipped by Joe for the very thing she despised. He was very much in praise of her body while she was pregnant – which surprises her now – in awe, even. When she was pregnant with Tom, he’d ask her to sleep naked, so constant was his need to touch her without barrier. All she wanted were sweatpants and a bulky jumper. To hide. When she was pregnant with Fred, he wanted to make love to her all the time. Not because of the chemical, visceral _need_ she and Alec have now, but rather due to his need to be a _part_ of it, to be a part of _her _and thereby a part of her pregnancy.

It’s difficult and physically painful to think back on now. But she’s grateful she no longer feels precisely as she did. Still a bit self-conscious about her body, but by and large thrilled to have a partner so desperate to be connected to her. Maybe because it’s Alec. Maybe because their relationship is so beautifully different from her relationship with Joe. Or maybe simply because _she’s _different now. Older, more comfortable with herself, having been broken and then rebuilt. Stronger now. 

“My love,” she says softly, to get his attention.

“Mm.”

“We should get on with it.”

She can feel him nod. He presses his lips to her stomach, then sits up and kisses her lips as he fastens the bottom few buttons of her blouse again. She fixes his hair the way he likes it and with her thumb wipes the slight trace of lipstick found on his mouth. This makes him want to kiss her again, and he does. She laughs.

“Ready?” She asks. 

“Ready.” He kisses her again.

“Do you want me to…”

“No.” He shakes his head definitively. “I’ve got this.”

Ellie takes his hand and they exit his office, gathering people from their desks as they make their way to a central location. Their colleagues are prepared for the worst. A murder, a rape. But then they see that Ellie is smiling, even if Alec is not. A typical sight indeed.

“All right, listen up, everyone,” Alec says loudly. “We’d only like to have to say this once.”

He looks over at Ellie. She’s twisting her engagement ring around her finger. At his look, she stops and holds it up.

“DS Miller and I are engaged,” he announces, then clears his throat, more out of discomfort than anything else.

Ellie lights up as she wiggles her ring finger and shows it off. The room begins to buzz. Brian, in particular, slumps back against the wall. Hal shifts his weight back and forth.

“Lock ‘im down, El!” Someone yells, probably Nish. 

Someone else yells, “Finally!” but is never caught. 

Ellie realizes she’ll have to prepare herself for all the _Mrs. Shitface _jokes that are soon to plague her.

Amid a cacophonous sea of gasps, Alec continues, “_And_.”

They all reluctantly quiet their vociferous reactions.

“We’re pregnant.” 

“Three months,” Ellie adds.

This time, they are silent. Stunned. Mouths open. Blinking rapidly. Ellie and Alec look at each other, then back at their colleagues.

“Oi!” She waves a hand in front of her to get their attention.

They all mutter various forms of _congratulations_, still clearly a little dumbstruck.

“Oi, come on, I’m not _that_ old,” Ellie complains, scowling at all of them.

"Nah, but _he _is!" Someone pipes up, then promptly hides.

“You could look a little happier about it, Hardy,” Brian remarks from his place in the back. 

“Yeah, engaged with a baby on the way?” Donald says. “This is the saddest announcement I’ve ever heard.”

“You _could_ smile a bit, sir,” Katie adds.

Alec feels himself growing more and more irritated by the second.

“Our El’s a right prize, after all.” Bob, this time.

“Get off with you all!” Ellie chides them with a dismissive wave. “Our happiness is none of your bloody business.”

“Come on, give us _something_, Hardy,” Nish adds.

Alec is shaking his head. “I loathe every last one of you,” he growls. Then he grabs Ellie, pulls her against him, and kisses the hell out of her, bending her back a bit. Ellie reaches for his neck to keep steady until he guides her back upright again and pulls away from her, both breathless. 

“Blimey,” Ellie whispers under her breath. 

Every one of them has likely seen Ellie and Alec in some kind of liplock at some point, but always having accidentally walked in on it. Never on purpose like this. They are collectively stunned.

Alec wipes the lipstick off his own mouth this time then turns on his heel. “Back to work, you lazy lot.” And he disappears into his office.

Ellie stands where she is, swaying a bit back a force as she tries to regain her balance. They all look to her.

“Happy enough for you?!” She exclaims. They say nothing, and she returns to her desk. “Sodding animals.”

Once seated at her desk, she sneaks a glance over to Alec’s window. He glances up and catches her eye. They smile at each other surreptitiously, then return to their work.

*

Ellie fields an onslaught of _congratulations_ and _well done_s throughout the day, alone. Alec has mostly sequestered himself in his office, having had quite enough human interaction for the day. Ellie thanks everyone kindly and dutifully, allows her engagement ring to be a subject of scrutiny, and answers mildly invasive questions about her pregnancy. Is it considered geriatric? Is she worried? Is she marrying him because she’s pregnant? Did she intend for this to happen? Is she concerned about his heart? Is she concerned that he will leave again? Is she concerned that he’s such a shitface?

She endures it all readily and with the great strength of a woman who will not be crushed by gossip, not now, not again. She answers every question truthfully, though she knows the answers are no one’s business. She hardly gets any work done throughout the day, consistently fending off pointed questions and soothing concerns. And she does it all alone.

Late in the afternoon, she lets herself into Alec’s office. She has not personally witnessed him emerge from it all day.

She closes the door behind her, walks behind his desk, and puts her arms around him from behind, leaning her chin on his shoulder. He covers her hands with his own. She holds him tightly.

“’m sorry, love,” he says, finally.

“Shh.” She kisses his ear. “I love you. Let’s go home.” She runs her hand over his chest soothingly. “We’ve got a long night of social obligation ahead of us.”

She kisses his jaw and buries her face in his neck. He exhales, full of gratitude.

They would each agree, respectively, that the partner they’ve chosen is infuriating. Maddening. A pain in the arse. But they could not be more thankful to have accidentally found each other. 

***


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the lovely responses on the last chapter!

In the master bedroom, Fred sits on the bed fake-reading books out loud. It’s his new thing. He picks several books he knows well and flips through them, telling the story from memory as if he’s reading them word for word. Inflection and all. 

Alec and Ellie pass back and forth across the room, getting ready for the benefit. She’s grateful for Fred’s presence, because it means she spends less time standing half-naked in front of the mirror staring with irritation at her changing body. Alec is grateful for this too.

“Mumma, should I read another _Pinkalicious_ or _Dragons Love Tacos_?”

At the same time, Ellie and Alec respond, “_Dragons Love Tacos_!”

“Okay.” Fred opens up the book and begins telling the story.

Alec is buttoning up his dress shirt while Ellie stares at the green dress still on the hanger. She nods him over. “I can still pull this off, yeah?” She whispers, so as not to disturb Fred.

He looks back and forth from her to the dress. “When was the last time you tried it?”

“_Before_ the Bastard Child of Broadchurch.”

“EXCUSE ME!” Fred interrupts.

“Sorry,” they both whisper. Fred continues. 

“Try it on,” Alec tells her.

She takes a deep breath and takes it off the hanger. Alec tries not to be too obvious in watching her dress herself, but it happens to be one of his favorite things to do. He sits down in the chair near the closet as she pulls it on.

It’s a knee-length dress, light green with a dark green lace overlay. It hugs her in all the right places and is generous in its décolletage.

Ellie turns her back to him, the universal sign to zip. Alec pops up and slowly zips up the dress, admittedly slow enough to savor it. It seems to fit just barely, exactly snug enough for her to still breathe normally. Compared to the last time she wore it, her arse is a little bigger, her hips are a little fuller, and her tits are a _lot_ bigger, but it manages to look tailored to her. Her small baby bump is visible, but likely only noticeable to those who know to look for it.

She turns to show off, hands on her hips, terror plain on her face. Alec’s eyes are wide, his jaw slack.

“Uh huh,” is all he manages to utter.

“Yes?”

“It’s, um. Good. That’s….yes.” He nods to illustrate his point.

Ellie turns to the mirror now, observing every angle and imperfection. Then she turns to him again. “It’s not too much up here?” She gestures to her breasts, which to be fair are practically spilling out of the low-cut bodice.

Alec clears his throat. “It’s….no, not too much, no.”

Although he’s not sure he wants a hundred _other_ people looking at her. But he knows better than to say that.

“DRAGONS. LOVE. TACOOOOS!” Fred exclaims joyously, slamming the book shut.

Ellie breaks into a smile and goes to him. “Well done, my little love!” She glances back at Alec. “Close your mouth and put your tie on.”

She sits beside Fred and gives him a smooch. He puts the book down and pokes her breast.

“_Ow_.” She tries to swat him away but then he starts trying to push her breasts down into the dress.

“They don’t fit,” Fred says with concern.

“Stop, stop.” She succeeds in pushing his hands away. “They’re supposed to be like that.”

She hears Alec snickering on the other side of the room. Then she helps Fred off the bed. “All right, go on, see if Daiz needs any help with dinner.”

Daisy has insisted on cooking for the three of them tonight, since Alec and Ellie will be having dinner at the benefit.

“I’m the best at helping,” Fred declares, running full speed out of the room.

Ellie gets up and goes to her bureau. She starts twisting chunks of her hair and pinning them back. Alec, bow tie hung limply around his neck, quietly pads over to her and turns her to face him, immediately dipping his head and kissing the tops of her breasts.

“Oh, for god’s sake, Alec,” she complains, but she’s laughing, his beard tickling her skin.

“Just give me a minute alone with them,” he requests, giving each of them individual attention.

It’s not until he starts sucking on the side of one that she swats him away. “Don’t you dare leave a mark right now, Alec Hardy.” She places her hands on his chest and pushes him off. “Tie your tie.”

“Can’t do it.”

She sighs and turns back to him, fastening his bow tie for him. “Why is it that women are so much better at this than men are?”

“We’re stupid and can’t be bothered,” he replies.

“Ah, got it in one.” She straightens the tie. “There you go.”

She starts to move away but he holds her to him. “Can’t we just stay here…” He plants kisses on her neck down to her collarbone. “In the privacy of our own bedroom…”

“No.” She swats his shoulder but otherwise makes no move to stop him. “You want to be in a position of power and authority, this is part of the job. You have to make appearances. Be a pillar of the community." 

He groans. “I’m engaged to a pillar of the community, is that not enough.”

“I’m not a pillar,” she replies. “I’m just a…railing or something. You just have to play nice for a few hours. In a room where there is endless alcohol to relax you and my tits on display to entertain you. You’ll be fine.”

“I can be relaxed and entertained right here….” His mouth is on her breasts again, hands slipping up her dress.

She jumps back and outstretches her arm, keeping him a solid distance away. “No more. Put your shoes on.”

He reluctantly finds his shoes and sits in the chair to put them on. She goes to the mirror to put her jewelry on, which he finds endlessly compelling.

“It won’t be so bad,” she tells him, sliding a bracelet on. “I’ll be beside you most of the time. Happily playing the role of arm candy.” 

He can’t tell if she’s being sarcastic. He just looks at her.

“I’m serious,” she says, putting on one earring, then the other. “It’ll be refreshing. All I have to do is be witty and charming and hang on your arm. Don’t have to prove myself to anyone. Just have to be your little pregnant fiancee.”

He raises an eyebrow and looks up at her as he finishes tying his shoes. “Is that how you’d like me to introduce you to people?”

“Why not?” She sifts through her jewelry box. “Be a nice change from ‘DS Miller.’” She puts on a little accent for effect.

He smirks. “Were you doin’ me just then?” 

“Yeah, getting good at it, aren’t I?”

Having finished with his shoes, he approaches her again. She hands him a necklace. He kisses her shoulder, then puts it on for her.

“If you’re well-behaved tonight I’ll snog you in the coat room.”

He stops. “Really?”

“_No_, you knob, for god’s sakes this is a _charity benefit_.”

He is visibly disappointed but makes every effort not to pout. Once he fastens the necklace, he slips his arms around her waist and kisses her shoulder again. They stand in front of the mirror like that for a moment quietly. Ellie smiles.

“Clean up quite nice, we do.”

“You,” he says, planting a kiss behind her ear. “Look stunning.”

She blushes. “Quite fancy you in a bow tie myself.”

“If I have to watch you blush all night whenever someone tells you how beautiful you look, I’m gonna _have _to drag you off to the coat room,” he warns her.

She pulls a face at him. “I _knew_ the blushing turned you on!”

“Worst kept secret in our relationship,” he quips. “Last chance to stay home…” He sucks on her earlobe. 

Ellie extricates herself from his arms and turns around. “I bet…” She holds her index finger up to his lips. “And don’t say anything just yet. I bet you’re actually going to have _fun_ tonight, after everything.”

He scoffs.

“Nope. You heard it here first, Alec Hardy. Tonight you will _enjoy yourself_,” she declares.

He tries to bite her finger and she snatches it away. Then she winces a bit. He frowns. “What?”

She shakes her head. “Just absolutely ravenous, hunger cramp, haven’t eaten in a whole two hours.” She grabs his hand. “Let’s get on with it.”

He groans dramatically as she drags him out of the room.

**


	4. Chapter 4

There’s no question from the moment they enter the ballroom that Ellie knows more people at this event than Alec does. For the first few minutes, the wave of greetings are all in Ellie’s direction. She has her arm looped through Alec’s and lets him lead in weaving her through the crowd. It takes them ten whole minutes to make it to the bar, and there’s a queue.

“So far, so good,” she says quietly, leaning into him. She rubs circles on his back assuringly.

“Better with a scotch,” he grumbles impatiently, looking ahead to see why the queue isn’t moving.

“Just talk about the weather, the Queen, and the low crime rate in Dorset,” she reminds him. “And if you get stuck, talk about the wedding. Everyone loves a wedding.”

“We don’t even have a date set,” he replies.

“Make something up.”

He circles one arm around her waist and squeezes her hip. “Promise you won’t wander away.”

She covers his hand on her hip with hers. “If I do, it won’t be for long, that I can promise. All right?”

The line finally starts to move. His face finally softens and he looks down at the sympathetic, but not pitying, expression on her face. “You really do look lovely.”

There’s the blush. “Sweet man.” She kisses his cheek.

They reach the head of the line. He orders a scotch for himself and a club soda with lemon for her. Then he takes her hand and they move through the crowd in search of their table. They find, to his horror, that they are not only seated with Jenkinson and her son (her date for the evening), but also the Dorset Police Commissioner and the mayor of Broadchurch. They are all already seated, but stand to greet them. They find themselves politely cheek-kissing Jenkinson and shaking hands with her 20-year-old son. The Commissioner he’s met once before, briefly, and Alec shakes his head and introduces him to Ellie.

“My fiancee, Ellie Miller,” he says.

“And partner,” Jenkinson pipes up.

“_Oh_, yes, that’s right, I’d heard about that.”

Neither Alec nor Ellie knows what to make of that statement. They are introduced to the Commissioner’s wife, and then approached by the mayor of Broadchurch, Angela Corman.

Alec had met her once during the Latimer case.

“Good to see you, Detective Inspector,” she says warmly. Then turns to Ellie with an outstretched hand. “DS Miller. Have I got that right?”

“Yes." 

They all finally sit, after he pulls Ellie’s seat out for her, then Alec can breathe again.

“You clean up awfully well, Ellie,” Jenkinson says across the table.

“As do you, ma’am.”

“I don’t think I’ve yet offered your congratulations on your engagement,” she continues. Then turns to the others. “A recent development.”

The others all offer their congratulations as well.

Mayor Corman picks up her wine glass. “It’s heartening to see something good has come out of the death of Danny Latimer.”

No one has any idea what to say to that. They drink. Alec reaches for Ellie’s hand under the table.

“So when’s the big day?” The Commissioner’s wife asks. The salads are brought out in time with the question.

“Uh.” Alec picks up his fork. Ellie cannot help him yet because she has wasted no time in digging in. Salad or no, it’s _food_ and she’s ravenous. “Haven’t quite decided yet.”

Jenkinson raises an eyebrow. “I imagine you won’t want to wait _too_ long.”

That gets everyone looks at Jenkinson. Ellie finishes a few bites, then jumps in to save Alec from having to navigate that uncomfortable territory.

“Actually we thought we’d wait until after,” Ellie says coolly. Then she turns to the others at the table. “I’m three months pregnant. We didn’t want to rush a wedding and I’d rather have a baby in the portraits than be the size of Gibraltar.”

There’s some faint chuckling followed by a few more _congratulations_. She continues eating like it’s been _days_.

He leans over to her ear. “Never seen you eat a salad like that.”

“Piss off,” she whispers, mouthful of lettuce.

As dinner progresses, Ellie proves to be the master of practiced small talk. By the end of dinner, she could write a book on the Commissioner’s wife. Alec gets pulled into a bit of shop talk with Jenkinson and the Commissioner. Ellie chats up the mayor, whose husband had passed about eight months earlier.

Alec is deep into a discussion on police brutality when Ellie leans over to him. “Running to the loo,” she whispers, then places her napkin on the table and scurries off.

When she returns a few minutes later, he seems to still be both engaged and at ease in his conversation. She takes this opportunity to mingle a bit, spotting Hal and Jenny a few tables over.

“Hey there, strangers,” she greets them genially.

She’s seen Hal, of course, in the week since their fateful dinner party, but she has not had occasion to see Jenny. They both stand to greet her.

Ellie exchange cheek kisses with both, Jenny lingering a bit.

“Don’t you look lovely,” Ellie says to her cordially. “And you.” She nods at Hal. “Awfully handsome.”

“Well, aiming to make an impression,” Hal says with a jovial smile. “Still getting to know everyone around here.”

“You’ll both do quite well, looking like that.”

Jenny touches Ellie’s arm. “Congratulations on your _engagement_, Ellie.”

“Oh.” Ellie becomes a bit shifty. “Thank you. Believe it or not, we made the decision the night of our little dinner gathering.”

Jenny and Hal can hardly conceal their surprise. “_Oh_.”

“Interesting,” Jenny remarks. Then she reaches out to touch Ellie’s necklace, trailing the chain down the pendant. Ellie shivers. “Beautiful.”

“Oh, ta.” She winces, breathing in sharply.

Hal reaches for her upper arm. “All right, Ellie?”

“Oh, yes.” She nods. “Ate a bit too quickly, I reckon. I was ravenous. Can’t go two hours these days without stuffing my face. Doesn’t always go down like it should.” She absently rubs her stomach. “Anyway, do let me know if there’s anyone I can introduce you to. I’m just playing the role of dutiful fiancee this evening so I’m very happy to be accomodating.” 

“Will do, thanks,” Hal says.

“Better go check on my grumpy little DI,” Ellie tells him, glancing across the room at Alec. “See you later on.”

When she returns to Alec, he’s standing by their table conversing with an old white-haired man she does not recognize. She comes up behind him, a hand to his back as she appears at his side.

“What’ve I missed?”

“Oh. El.” 

“And who is this charming creature?” The old white-haired man asks, holding his hand out to her.

“This is my fiancee. Ellie Miller,” Alec says. “Detective Sergeant Ellie Miller, that is.”

Ellie shakes his head. “Pleasure to meet you.”

“Gavin Harding. Pleasure’s mine.” She later learns he is the mayor of Bournemouth. “Must refresh my drink.”

Harding’s eyes pass over her breasts as he passes her, which does not go unnoticed by Alec. “Just undressed you with his eyes,” he grumbles, turning to her and throwing back what’s left of his scotch.

“Well, I’m three months pregnant so joke’s on him. He’s not going to like the stretch marks he finds there.” She rubs his arm. “How’re you holding up?”

“Not so bad, actually.” He fixes an arm at her waist. “Could use another scotch.”

“Back into the queue we go then,” she says with a game smile, leads him toward the bar again.

Fifth or sixth in line, Ellie leans into him and straightens his tie. “I must say you’re impossibly handsome when you’re fulfilling occupational obligations.” She kisses his cheek. “Quite irresistible in fact.”

“Thank you for bein’ here.” He presses his lips to hers, holding him against his side.

“There you two are!” It’s Maggie voice they hear wafting over from a few feet away. She approaches with Jocelyn, both appropriately dressed to the nines and looking just as put out by it all as Alec and Ellie.

“Had a feeling we’d run into you,” Jocelyn adds.

They exchange greetings, kiss cheeks, and they cut in line so they can stand together.

“Your engagement is the talk of the town,” Maggie states. “Congratulations.”

“Oh, thank you.”

Maggie reaches for Ellie’s left hand to inspect the ring. “Bloody hell.”

Jocelyn nudges Alec’s arm. “Well done you.”

Alec nods. He appreciates it, but he doesn’t need to be told. He knows exactly how lucky he is.

“That’s a beautiful dress, Ellie,” Jocelyn says.

“Oh, and _you_,” Ellie replies, admiring Jocelyn’s. “You both look stunning.”

“How far along are you now, El?” Maggie asks, not so surreptitiously glancing at Ellie’s tiny baby bump.

“Three months just,” Ellie replies, her hand unconsciously going to cover it.

“Well, you look fabulous.”

“Oh, gosh. Thank you.” She blushes. Alec squeezes her hip.

They reach the front of the line. Alec orders another scotch for himself and for Jocelyn, a club soda with lime for Ellie, and a G&T for Maggie. Nearby, a live band takes the stage.

With their drinks, the four of them move to the side of the bar and stand in a huddle.

“Did you know Tom’s asked me for a job?” Maggie asks them both.

“_No_,” Ellie replies, thoroughly shocked.

“Now that I’ve my own online publication, I’ve been looking for a little part-time help,” Maggie explains. “He stopped by after school just the other day offering me his services.”

Ellie is delighted but truly flabbergasted. “_What_ services?”

“He takes quite a good picture, believe it or not,” Maggie answers. “And he has a knack for social media I’ll never have.”

“So you’re goin’ to take him on?” Alec questions. 

“Unless you two have any objections.”

Ellie and Alec exchange thrilled glances.

“None at all,” Ellie replies. “We’d be elated if you’d give Tom something to do besides football.” 

“So long as he doesn’t turn into a slightly shorter version of Oliver,” Alec adds.

Ellie whacks him lightly. “Olly’s a pest but his heart is in the right place. He believes in his work.”

Alec looks at Jocelyn and Maggie. “She has to say that.”

Jocelyn is clearly distracted by the band. Maggie glances over at her, then looks to Alec and Ellie. “As her eyesight goes, her audio senses have only enhanced. Sometimes I can hardly drag her away from her record player.” 

Jocelyn smiles and takes Maggie’s hand. “Dance with me…”

Maggie smiles helplessly and follows Jocelyn onto the dance floor.

Alec takes a long swig of his scotch, but keeps his arm around Ellie. She pushes herself up on her tiptoes and plants a quick kiss on his jaw. Jenkinson floats by them on her way to the bar.

“All right, you two?”

They smile and nod at her as she passes. Suddenly Ellie starts laughing. She turns into him and tilts her head up to his ear, keeping her voice low. “Ran into a mate from school who asked if Sam the bartender was the baby’s father.”

Alec’s eyes widen and he looks down at her with disgust. Which only makes her laugh harder.

“It’s hilarious, Sam and I never even dated. I’ve absolutely no idea where the assumption came from,” she explains. “I couldn’t stop laughing.”

Alec throws back quite a bit of his scotch.

“D’you know what I just suddenly thought of?” Ellie says. “There’s a part of me that would like to visit Claire Ripley in prison just to tell her.” 

“Your mind is wicked this evening,” Alec answers, shaking his head, unable to entertain the thought.

“You don’t think it would be an absolute laugh riot?” She takes a sip of her club soda. “To tell Claire we’re pregnant and getting married.” 

“A laugh riot, no,” he says, but he tightens his grip on her.

“She thought she had a real hold on you, she did,” Ellie remarks.

Alec murmurs something unintelligible and takes another long sip, looking away from her. She leans her head on his shoulder.

“Sorry.” She pats his chest. “Just a bit of fun, didn’t mean to distress you.” Then, without thinking, she finds herself rubbing his chest, enjoying the feel of his pectorals through his dress shirt. Alec grips the flesh at her hip. The movement of her hand plus the sight of her mostly exposed breasts when he looks down is enough to make him squeeze her so hard she gasps sharply.

“Ach.” Alec lets go of her, dropping his hand, sliding down her arse before it comes down to hang at his side limply. “Sorry.”

“No, that was me, sorry,” she apologizes too, removing her hand from his chest and letting it fall at her side as well.

A well-dressed server holding up a dessert tray passes by.

“Oh, just a minute.” Ellie scurries after him.

Momentarily on his own, Alec finds his way back to the table, nodding curtly at the few people who greet him. Occasionally grunting.

Ellie returns in a bit of a whirlwind. He feels her cool hand on his neck and knows she’s unconsciously fixing his hair. She’d complained just last night that he needed a hair cut. Her hand lands on his shoulder and he glances up at her. She has her Idea Face on.

“Dance with me,” she entreats him, with a squeeze to his arm.

“Oh, no.” He shakes his head, already imagining the feeling of encroachment with so many eyes on him in the middle of the floor. “You know I don’t – “

“You do at home,” she replies, her face falling a bit. “Sometimes.”

“That’s…” He sighs. “When it’s just you, me, and a little Van Morrison. I can’t – “

She leans down until she’s eye level with him. “It’s four minutes where you do not have to speak to _anyone _but me.”

That argument plus the determined yet plaintive look in her eyes settles it for him. He takes a long swig of his scotch then sets it down on the table. He stands up, brushes himself off a brush, then Ellie takes his hand to leads him to the center of the room. Thankfully, several other couples, including Maggie and Jocelyn, are having a go of it as well and it does not feel like stepping into the spotlight.

Somewhere on the side of the action, Alec pulls Ellie to him, holding her hand against his chest and draping his other arm just below her waist. She holds onto his shoulder and leans in. They’d be cheek to cheek if she wasn’t so much shorter than him, so instead they’re cheek to neck, which suits them just fine.

“Do we have to…” He trails off.

He feels her shake her head. “Just listen to the music and hold me. Just like at home.”

He can do that. Ellie keeps them moving just enough so that they are _actually _dancing and he just follows her movement.

After a moment, he murmurs “this is nice” into her ear.

She nods, smiling into his neck. The feeling sends a tiny shiver up his spine. “And see, no one will bother us.”

He holds her tighter, hoping to somehow convey his gratitude this way. He kisses her shoulder and keeps his lips there as they sway back and forth in time with the music.

The song comes to an end and they don’t stop.

“One more,” Alec says.

“Okay.” She kisses his jaw.

After a few moments he pulls his head back a bit to look at her, so she does the same. 

“My brilliant fiancee,” he says.

She blushes. “Oh, stop.”

“Just like sayin’ it.”

He leans down and kisses her. She grins.

“This baby is absolutely going to have two left feet, you know,” Ellie says.

“Oh, no question.”

He kisses her again, then she lays her head on his shoulder. They stay like that for a while, until the song ends and he steps on her foot.

Her face goes a little pale, wincing.

“Sorry, love.”

“’s all right,” she says quickly, then separates herself from him a bit suddenly. “Running to the loo again.” He makes a pained face as she walks away. “Should’ve thought of that before you went and knocked me up!”

She runs off, nearly sprinting. He watches her, hands diving into his pockets.

*


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight trigger warning below.
> 
> tw: pregnancy complications

Ellie has been gone for fifteen minutes. Alec knows. He’s been checking his watch. Moments without her, especially in social situations, seem longer and more excruciating.

He excuses himself from the table, happy to vacate a conversation about police in school settings, and weaves through the ballroom. He finds the washrooms not far down the hallway. Standing next to the door of the ladies’ room, he waits. Once more women have come out than have gone in, Alec enters. This is not his first rodeo.

“El?”

“Oh, jesus,” she mutters, startled by a man’s voice.

He locks the door behind him. “All right, love?”

“Uh.”

He spots her shoes and approaches her closed stall. She’s in the larger handicapped stall.

“Anyone else in here?” She asks, voice trembling.

“No. Just us. I’ve locked the door.”

She sits down on the ground, leaning against the stall door. He lowers himself to the floor too, leaning against the other side.

“There’s blood,” she says.

“Okay,” he replies calmly, for her sake. He takes a deep breath. “How much?”

“Not…a lot.” He hears her inhale sharply. “But too much.”

He reaches his hand underneath the stall and finds hers, holding onto it. “Are you in pain?”

“The…cramps I’ve been feeling all night. Not hunger pains,” she explains. “I don’t think.”

“All right, it’s gonna be all right.” With his free hand, he pulls his cell phone out of his pocket. “Just calling Dr. Sinclair, okay?”

“Okay,” she replies, barely audible.

He waits with baited breath as it rings. “Dr. Sinclair, Alec Hardy. Sorry for botherin’ you after hours. Ellie’s experiencin’ some…bleeding and some fairly consistent cramping. Yes. All right. Okay. We will. Thank you.” He hangs up.

He squeezes her hand. “Okay, love, he’s going to meet us at his office, all right?”

Her hand starts to shake and he hears her start to cry. “Listen, it’s all right, he doesn’t sound too concerned, we all just want to be sure. He says it could be any number of things, most of which are nothin’ to worry about. Breathe out for me.”

She does, albeit shakily.

“Can you let me in?”

He hears the door unlock. Slowly, he opens it, an arm going around her to hold her up once the door swings back. He pulls her against his chest. “Shh, my love, you’re okay. No sense worryin’ until we know somethin’. If Dr. Sinclair’s not concerned, we shouldn’t be either.”

She sniffles into his dress shirt. “Okay.”

He helps her to her feet and steadies her with an arm around her waist. He leans her against the side of the stall, takes off his jacket, and helps her put it on.

“There’s blood,” she tells him.

“I know.” He steps out of the stall to grab a stack of paper towels by the sink, then wipes up the blood and throws them away.

She watches him a little in awe, a little dazed, through wet, blurry eyes.

“Okay,” he says.

She tries to look over her shoulder. “Can you tell – is there – “

“You’re okay, the jacket covers it.”

Her face scrunches up and she starts to cry again. He fixes his arm around her. “Hey hey hey. It’s all right. Come on.” 

He walks her out of the bathroom and into the hallway. Thankfully there’s no line outside the door that was locked. As they head slowly down the hall toward the exit, Ellie says, “My bag and my coat are – “

“Don’t worry about that now,” he tells her. “I’ll text Jocelyn in the car, she and Maggie will take care of it.”

They make it out of the building and through the car park without attracting much attention. When they reach the passenger’s side of the car, Ellie tells him to get a towel from the back. Fortunately, being a parent means always being prepared. He places the towel down on the seat then helps her into the car.

After shooting a quick, vague text message to Jocelyn, Alec reaches for Ellie’s hand and then starts the car.

The drive feels endless though it’s only fifteen minutes. The light is on inside Dr. Sinclair’s office when they pull in. Alec helps Ellie out of the car and Dr. Sinclair is standing in the doorway when they reach it. Together they move into the exam room. Ellie lies down on the exam table for the second time that day.

“Ellie, are you in pain?” He asks. “You move like you’re in pain.”

“Well there’s – the cramps…” She replies tepidly.

Alec settles himself beside her, holding her hand in both of his. “I think it might be more the…stress of it,” he explains. Ellie nods in agreement. 

“Okay. Tell me exactly what happened.”

“I’d been having cramps on and off for a couple hours. I didn’t think too much of it, there were a million things it could have been,” she tells him. “Then about half an hour ago something felt off and I went to the loo and found I was bleeding.”

Dr. Sinclair nods. “How much would you say?”

“Maybe…day two of a period. Heavy, but not…you know. Gushing.” She looks at Alec. “Sorry.”

Alec doesn’t flinch.

“That plus the cramps and I immediately thought…” 

Sinclair pats her knee. “Hush now, let’s take a look before we say anymore, all right?” Ellie nods compliantly. “Lie back now.” He puts on his gloves, then helps her into the stirrups. 

Ellie’s breathing becomes hoarse and ragged again as the doctor examines her. Alec gently rubs her forehead, smoothing her hair back.

“Your cervix isn’t dilated, which is a good sign,” Dr. Sinclair says finally. “My best guess is that the bleeding is just a result of some of the invasive tests we did earlier today. This can happen sometimes. I’m sorry we didn’t warn you.”

Ellie tries to sit up, leaning on her elbows. “So it’s – so what is – what does that mean?”

“Everything’s all right?” Alec asks.

Dr. Sinclair sets up the fetal heart rate monitor. “Let’s listen.” He places the doppler to her abdomen. The sounds of the baby’s heartbeat pulsing fills the room.

“Oh, my god,” Ellie exhales. Alec drops his head against hers, face in her hair. “Oh, thank god.”

“Yes, I would surmise the cramping is actually just round ligament pain,” Sinclair explains. “The round ligament is a muscle that supports the uterus, and when it stretches, you may feel a sharp, stabbing pain, or a dull ache in your lower abdomen. Can happen now and then in the second trimester. Does that sound like what you were experiencing?” 

“I…think so.”

“Okay.”

He switches off the machine. Ellie and Alec immediately lean forward, feeling the loss of the sound. “Can you do that one more time?” Alec asks.

Sinclair gives them a small smile and humors them. He switches it back on and the heartbeat fills the room again. They visibly relax at the sound.

“You can purchase one of these to use at home,” the doctor tells them. “Though I wouldn’t recommend using it too often, it can help you achieve a little peace of mind now and then.”

One look at Ellie’s face right now and Alec nods. “We’ll get one.” 

“All right?” They both nod. “Switching it off now.” He puts it away. “Anyway, bad luck to experience both the bleeding and the cramping at the same time, but it looks to me they were unrelated, and the fetus is looks just a healthy as it was this morning.” 

“Thank you,” Alec says. “So much. Really, for – “

“Don’t mention it. Ellie, are you still in pain?”

“A bit.”

“A little ibuprofen won’t hurt you, all right?” Sinclair tells her. “My recommendation is this. A few days of rest.”

“Like bed rest?” Ellie questions.

“No, not bed rest, you’re free to do as you like. Only take it easy. Rest. Relax. No heavy lifting, a little self-care, as they say.” He finds her chart and begins jotting things down. “Try to relieve some of the stress put on your body, and your mind, tonight. Find a nice comedy to binge on Netflix and let Alec wait on you a bit.”

Alec holds his hands up. “You’ll have no arguments from me.”

“Good. Now, we’ll be chatting soon, since we’ll have some of this morning’s test results in a few days, but give me a ring if you have any questions, all right?”

“Thank you,” Ellie says. “Thank you, Doctor,” Alec echoes.

As soon as they get back into the car, Ellie bursts into tears. Alec lets her. He just strokes her hair, rubs her arm, squeezes her hand until she’s gotten it all out. When she’s through, she tells him to drive.

At home, he leads her into the house with his arm around her shoulders. They can hear Tom and Daisy playing video games in the living room. Fred is clearly in bed.

“We’re home!” Alec calls, popping his head into the living room.

“Early!” Daisy says back without taking her eyes off the screen. 

“Ellie’s feelin’ a bit poorly, we’re just gonna turn in,” he tells her.

Tom briefly looks up. “Mum? You all right?”

Ellie stays in the hallway. Alec answers so she doesn’t have to. “Just a little stomach upset. No need to worry.”

“Okay,” Tom and Daisy both robotically respond.

“Night, you two." 

“Night.”

They ascend the stairs slowly, then stop to check in on Fred. He’s passed out with his head at the foot of his bed somehow. They both smile, then continue on to their room. 

Alec closes the door and Ellie stands in the middle of the room like she’s lost.

“Hey.” He goes to her and touches her face, rubbing his thumbs over her cheeks. “Why don’t you have a shower, yeah?”

She nods and trudges off to the loo. He hears the water turn on, then goes downstairs to put the kettle on. After he returns with a glass of water and cup of chamomile tea for her, he lays her pyjamas out on the bed, then finds two ibuprofen and sets them on her nightstand next to the glass of water. Then he finally changes out of his own clothes and into a t-shirt and pyjama bottoms. Steam pours out of the loo as he enters it, picking up her clothes from the tile floor. The dress is probably unsalvageable due to the blood stains but he brings it downstairs and leaves it to soak in cold water overnight just in case.

He goes back to the loo and stands over the sink, head bent, eyes closed, steam seeping into his skin. He can’t tell if he’s crying or if it’s just condensation. The water turns off and Ellie pulls back the curtain and reaches for her towel, wrapping it around her. She steps out of the shower and goes to him, wrapping her arms around his middle from the side.

“I’m sorry I scared you,” she whispers.

“Christ, Ellie, no.” He pulls her to his chest and kisses her wet hair. “”m sorry you had to go through that.”

They hold each other for a moment, then she pulls back. “Your shirt’s all wet now.”

“I have others.”

He follows her into the bedroom. He changes into a new t-shirt while she changes into the pyjamas he’s left out for her. Then he hands her a mug of tea.

“You’re so good to me.” She smiles just barely.

“Water and ibuprofen on the nightstand.”

She goes over to her side of the bed and sits on the edge, taking the pills. Then she pulls back the covers and slips under them. Alec stands where he is, just staring off.

“Coming?” Ellie asks.

“Sorry, yes.”

He crawls under the duvet on his side of the bed. Ellie immediately curls up to him, laying her head on his chest, arm draped over his waist. He kisses her hair and tightens an arm around her.

“Don’t go anywhere, all right?” She says quietly.

“Not goin’ anywhere, love.” He trails his fingertips up and down her arm.

After a heavy exhale, to reassure herself, she says, “Baby’s okay.”

He kisses her forehead. “Baby’s okay.”

She finds his warm feet under the covers and then tangles their legs together.

“I love you very much,” he tells her.

She sniffs, then lifts her head a bit and kisses his cheek. “Don’t let go of me, okay?” She settles her ear to his chest again. Before he can swear to it, she yawns and says, “Your heartbeat sounds just like the baby’s.”

A few hot tears roll down his cheeks, and he hopes she won’t notice.

*


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you next time!

In the morning when he wakes, they are in the same position. Even asleep, he is incapable of breaking his promises to her. Only variation is that there is a very small (but not as small as he thinks he is!) person now uncomfortably wedged between them.

Fred, as always, has his face smushed into Ellie’s breasts, the rest of his body tangled up equally between hers and Alec’s. Alec stirs, kisses the top of the boy’s head, and gently and carefully extricates himself from them both.

It’s Saturday morning, and it’ll be hours at least before the teenagers rouse. He makes himself a cup of tea and sits down at the kitchen table, replaying last evening’s events in his mind. The truth is, he actually _had _been having a nice time. The conversation was pleasant and interesting enough, the food decent, the alcohol plentiful. Watching Ellie play the role of blushing fiancee all night _had_ been oddly delightful, and dancing with her had been exactly what he’d needed. She always seems to know. She’d been so happy, showing herself off in that dress, and he thought a few times that she might even have been a bit proud of him.

Then he remembers the blood on the bathroom floor. The way her hand shook when he reached for it underneath the stall door. The mascara running down her face as he helped her up. He tries to shake the images away by remembering the sound of the baby’s heartbeat wafting through the exam room, the immeasurable wave of _relief_ that came over them both. The way the color slowly started to come back into her cheeks.

He finds his mobile and scans through several concerned text messages from both Maggie and Jocelyn. He sends off a quick text to them both: **All fine. Thanks for your help. Will swing by later in the day to pick up our things. **

A text immediately comes back from Maggie: **Do you need anything? **

**Not at the moment, will let you know. Thanks much.**

Then, bracing himself with a deep breath, he texts Lucy: **Ellie instructed by doc to lay low today. No need for alarm, just precautionary. Any chance of you minding Fred awhile? **

It takes a few minutes, but the response is unequivocal: **Be there in fifteen.**

Alec takes his tea upstairs and heads straight to Fred’s room. He finds his Star Wars backpack and stuffs in a few of his favorite things, including Rhino. He throws in a change of clothes just in case.

In their bed, Fred and Ellie are still entangled. He’s not surprised she’s holding so tightly to him after the night’s trauma. Alec sits on the bed and quietly tries to wake Fred without waking Ellie.

“Hey, lad, come on,” he whispers, turning his tiny body over to face him. “Let’s get you up.”

“Mumma,” he whines for her, then his eyes flutter open.

“Gonna spend the day with your aunt Lucy,” Alec says. “Maybe she’ll even take you to the cinema.”

Fred sleepily climbs into Alec’s arms and is carried out of the room. “Let’s get you dressed now.” 

Within another twenty minutes, Fred is dressed and off with Lucy, who, to her credit, does not ask questions.

Alec crawls back into bed beside Ellie, who is lying face down, doing his damndest not to disturb her. She must feel his warmth, because she quickly throws her arm over him. He turns onto his side and smiles at her sleeping form. Her hand suddenly grips his t-shirt, pulling him closer to her. He chuckles softly and covers her body with half of his.

“Nice and warm,” she mumbles.

“How do you feel?”

“Sore.”

He nods. “That kind of physical stress will do that to you.” He kisses her ear. “Massage? The doctor did recommend them…”

“Oh god bless you,” she says into her pillow, eyes still closed.

“Right then.” He moves over her on his knees, straddling her while trying not to lean his full weight on her. He grabs the hem of her t-shirt and tugs it up. “Arms up.” She languidly raises her arms without protest and he pulls the shirt off.

He plants a kiss between her shoulder blades then gets to work on her, kneading her muscles, rubbing her neck, leaving no part of her untouched if he can reach it. He laughs quietly at every absurd sound that she elicits from the back of her throat. He finds a knot in he shoulder and he works on it until he’s afraid he’s hurting her.

“Why don’t I make you do this more often,” she inquires, though it seems to be directed at the pillow.

“You’re usually busy puttin’ my hands to work in other places,” he replies with a smirk.

“Oh right.”

He moves backward on the bed to massage her feet, her calves, her thighs, stretching her hamstring. “All right?” He checks in. “Oh god,” is her only reply. He keeps on, moving his focus to her lower back. 

“Still have those cramps?” He asks.

“Just a dull ache now.”

“Google says this will help,” he says, kneading his hands into flesh just above her tailbone.

“God, you’re a prince,” she sighs.

Still pressing his fingers into the small of her back, he leans down and brings his lips to the back of her neck. Then he very, very slowly kisses his way down each vertebra of her spine, taking time with each one.

“_Oh fuck_,” Ellie mumbles.

It’s not sexual or even teasing, though it may be sensual, motivated purely by his primal need to taste and feel her, to comfort and relax her. She becomes totally loose underneath the touch of his lips and tongue, completely limp laying there. He knows that now is not a time when they can make love, and in fact something tells him that it may be a few days before they do again, but there are other ways they can connect, other ways they can feel each other and meld together that do not need to culiminate in orgasm or penetration of any kind. When his lips reach her tailbone, he stays there and lets his hand slide up to massage both of her arms. 

“Feel good?” Alec murmurs into her spine.

“Mm…mm-hmm.” Her eyes remain closed and she’s completely still, but if he looks up he’ll see a lazy smile on her face.

His lips move to her hips and he slowly begins to kiss his way up the side of her body, alternately licking and sucking at her skin gently and without urgency. He pushes her arm up and lingers at the side of her breast, hands going back down to knead into her hips. He’s half-hard but pays no attention to it. When his lips reach her shoulder, he drags them across to her neck, pushes her hair to the side and kisses along her hairline. His mouth closes over her ear and he feels her sigh more than hears it. “I love you,” he whispers. There’s just the slightest whimper in her voice when she whispers “I love you” back. 

He kisses his way back down her spine again, stopping halfway and resting his head there, cheek to spine, the top half of his body covering the bottom half of hers. He reaches up to find her hands and interlaces their fingers. They breathe in time for a few moments, otherwise completely still. 

A knock on the door precipitates the immediate entrance of Tom and Daisy. They recoil at the sight before them.

“_Ugh_, god!” Tom exclaims.

“No no no.” Daisy covers her eyes.

Alec sits back up on his knees, still straddling her legs. “Christ’s sake, just doin’ a back massage.”

“_Not _what it looked like.” Tom covers his eyes as well.

Alec grabs a pillow and covers Ellie’s naked back for her son’s sake.

“What do you want?”

“Um. Fred’s gone.”

Ellie props herself up on her elbows, accidentally giving the kids another view they don’t want. “_What_?”

“He’s with your aunt Lucy,” Alec says quickly. Ellie relaxes again. “I sent him off earlier.”

Daisy frowns. “Why?”

“Ellie’s been ordered to lay low for a couple of days, take it easy,” Alec explains.

“Um.” Daisy snickers, though she is still disgusted. “Don’t think this is what the doctor meant by _bed rest_.”

“Oh, get out,” he snarls back.

Tom and Daisy scurry out of the room and slam the door behind them. Alec climbs off of Ellie to lie beside her. She rolls onto her back and stretches out like a cat.

“Better now?” He asks, placing a hand low on her stomach. 

She nods contentedly. “That was _lovely_. Thank you.”

“Cold? You want your shirt back?”

“Mm, no. Quite warm at the moment,” she replies. “Think all of your body heat transferred to me.”

He smiles. “What do you need?”

“Just you. And all the breakfast I can eat.”

And so their day of rest begins. Alec makes her breakfast in bed – and then another breakfast in bed an hour later. If the doctor wants her to put on weight, she’ll take him at his word. She makes Alec watch old episodes of _Friends _on Netflix. It is not until the seventh episode they watch that he decides he does not hate it.

Tom and Daisy are in and out, mercifully able to (mostly) take care of themselves by this point. All Alec has to do is occasionally yell at them to tidy up their respective messes, which they grudgingly do. Ellie takes a nap in the early afternoon after a foot massage that absolutely knocks her right out. While she’s asleep, he does the laundry and checks on her stained dress. Some of the stain has come out, but not enough to salvage it. He sets it aside to take to the cleaners later in the day. He takes a few calls from work, careful not to wake her. The last thing he wants is for her to be thinking about work right now.

After her nap, they take a walk. It’s aimless and meandering. They move slowly, hand in hand, casually waving to neighbors. Well, Ellie does anyway. Alec will on occasion grant them a nod. They don’t talk about the baby. They talk about politics and _Coronation Street _and whatever happened to that gelato place on the high street. But they don’t talk about the baby.

They both occasionally check their mobiles for missed calls. Upon their departure from his office last night, Dr. Sinclair had insisted he would do his best to rush their tests through the lab, just in case. He could see they were in need of a little peace of mind. But there’s nothing.

There’s more _Friends_ later in the afternoon. They’re tempted to turn on something more interesting before remembering once again Dr. Sinclair’s suggestion that they stick to something light and nostalgic. When Ellie seems quite settled, Alec offers to pop out and look for the home fetal heart rate monitor they have decided to buy, once again for their own peace of mind. He heads out, taking the dress with him to drop at the cleaners, and leaves her with Netflix and a cup of tea. 

While he’s out, Ellie finds herself out of bed and wandering around the empty house, looking for something to do. Desperate to occupy her mind, she tidies up Fred’s room. Though on an average day she insists that her youngest son clean his _own_ room, the truth is she enjoys doing it. Sifting through his toys, folding his clothes, savoring his youth. Her sweet baby, who too young became hers and hers alone, who for years clung to her so insistently. For the months Tom had left them, it was his big brown eyes that got her through each day. Her lovely, agreeable little baby.

Downstairs, she stands in the middle of the living room for an indeterminate amount of time. She loses herself, forgets she is standing there until a neighbor waves at her through the window as he walks past. For a few moments, it appears she had forgotten that nothing had happened. She had _not_ in fact had a miscarriage. There’s a tiny sliver of herself which, when she found herself bleeding in the loo, had sunken back into the memory of her past miscarriage. Standing there in the living room, she realizes she had almost begun the process of mourning something that had not actually happened, so thorough and powerful was the emotional shock of it.

She shakes it off and goes to the kitchen. It is somehow immaculate. She thinks she might be engaged to the perfect man. A perfection that in its way rises directly out of his many beautiful flaws. He has dutifully taken care of her all day with nary a complaint. She puts the kettle on, then sets about doing the only thing for him that she can think to do right now.

When he comes home, there are two salads laid out on the table. He stands in the doorway thoroughly shocked, and then holds up the two packets of fish and chips he brought home. They both break into laughter. She goes to kiss him, grinning against his lips.

“Save the chips for when I’m grumpy,” she says. “We’ll be healthy tonight.”

She takes the two packets from him and puts them in the fridge. Then she hands him a mug of tea and they sit down to supper.

He takes a bite. “I can barely taste your bitter disgust in this, well done,” Alec praises her.

“Did you find the monitor?” She winces a bit when _she _takes a bite.

He nods. “In the foyer. We can set it up later. Give it a spin.” 

“Luce is bringing Fred back just before bedtime,” she tells him.

“Good then. Daiz texted that she and Tom are headin’ to a party straight from the beach.”

Ellie raises an eyebrow.

“I already texted Beth, she knows the parents.”

She smiles. “Looking at you, acting like a proper part of this community.”

“Figure if I’m goin’ to bring a baby into it, might as well.”

They eat in silence for a few moments.

She trains her gaze down onto her plate when she asks, “Do you want to, um….do you want to talk about last night?”

He looks up and waits for her to look at him. “Do you?”

“Well.” But then she says nothing.

“Not sure what there is to say,” he admits quietly.

In truth, he has so many questions. What would a miscarriage feel like? What would it look like? What would it do to her? What would it do to him? Would it do the same things? Would they feel and react the same way? Would they mourn differently and drive each other mad? Would it drive them apart? Would it wreck what they’ve built?

And on another note, would they try again? They hadn’t set out for a baby and hadn’t tried for one the first time but now that the notion has seeped into their relationship, become a part of their lives…do they _need_ a baby now? What if they _do _try again? What if it’s harder this time? What if the trying exhausts them and makes them resent each other? Ruins their sex life?

How would it affect the kids? All of it.

He remembers that this was her greatest fear in becoming pregnant. That she might lose the baby. She was terrified of what might happen. 

Now he is too.

But, though he has so many questions, he’s not sure any of them are useful, will do them any good. And he’s not sure he wants to know the answers to any of them.

Ellie puts down her fork. “Well, how are you feeling about it?”

He frowns. “How am I feelin’ about somethin’ that _didn’t_ happen?”

She frowns back. “The shock of it happened. The fear of it happened.”

“So then, I’m shocked. I’m afraid.” He leans back in his chair and deposits his napkin on the table. “Nothin’ to be done about it.”

“Well, we can…talk _through _it.” She leans forward, resting an arm on the table, trying to puzzle him out.

“What’s to talk through? We’re feelin’ what we’re feelin’ and it’ll pass,” he says. “We can’t try to fix somethin’ that didn’t even really happen in the first place. Just need to move past it. We’re _lucky_. I don’t --- I don’t want to live in that world, wallow in those feelings when we don’t need to.”

“All right then.”

She gets up abruptly, picks up her plate then his and dumps them into the sink. Then she just stands there, leaning into it, head down. Slowly, he goes to her, and hovers behind her.

“Ellie…” He trails off entreatingly, somewhat apologetically. He runs his hands up and down her arms.

“What.” She’s not responding to his touch.

“Do _you_ need to talk through it?”

She brings a hand to her face. “No. I don’t know. You’re right, I s’pose.” She turns around to face him. “There’s nothing we can do but be grateful it _didn’t_ happen.”

Alec nods slowly, then pulls her into a hug, arms tightening around her shoulders.

Fifteen minutes later, they’re on the couch watching last week’s _Bake Off_. Alec is lying down, his head in Ellie’s lap. She strokes his hair with one hand and rubs his back with the other, all while glued to the telly. The episode’s only halfway done when she notices his breathing has evened out and it’s clear he’s fallen asleep. She smiles to herself and keeps stroking his hair.

A few minutes on and she can feel her mobile vibrating. She feels around for it, then holds it up and sees DR. SINCLAIR flashing on the screen. She starts shaking Alec.

“Alec, wake up, come on, Sinclair’s ringing.”

He startles and sits up, pausing the television as Ellie answers the phone and immediately puts it on speaker.

“Dr. Sinclair.”

“Ellie, how are you feeling?”

“Much better today, thank you,” she replies.

“She’s been hard at rest all day,” Alec adds.

Ellie smiles and says, “You’ve got both of us on the line.”

“Good, good. Listen I was able to get your tests run through the lab today and we’ve got the results in.” Alec grips Ellie’s thigh. “Everything looks normal. We’re seeing what we want to see at this point.” He kisses her shoulder.

“Thank you!” Ellie exclaims. “Thank you so much.”

“We’ll talk in more detail at your next appointment,” Sinclair says. “But there is just one more thing. The results of your CVS testing allows us to know the baby’s sex. Would you like me to tell it to you?”

Alec and Ellie look at each other, wide-eyed. They had forgotten to expect that. They communicate silently on the matter.

“Yes, please,” she says.

“Right then.” Alec leans his forehead on her shoulder as they wait. Dr. Sinclair clearly relishes suspense. “You’re having a girl.”

Unintelligible words and sounds are released from both of them and Alec pulls her messily into his arms as she tries not to drop the phone.

“Thank you!” Alec is repeatedly kissing her cheek hard and sloppily as she tries to speak. “Thank – you…”

Dr. Sinclair’s low chuckle comes through from the other line. “See you in a couple weeks, then.”

“Thank you!” Alec pipes in.

Ellie switches off the mobile and it falls out of her hands. Alec is kissing her all over, through her clothes, and Ellie is laughing unabashedly with relief.

“_You_.” She pulls his face up to hers. “Are my good luck charm.” She smashes her lips into his.

He pushes her back on the couch and she lets out a shriek. He kisses her three times in quick succession before deepening it, poking his tongue into her mouth and letting it explore familiar territory. She moans softly, pleasantly surprised. Then he pulls back and grins at her.

“A girl.”

She nods rapidly, pink-faced and flashing him a toothy smile in return. “A girl.”

He kisses her again. “I love you."

“I love you.”

He crawls back a bit and pushes up her jumper to reveal her stomach and the small swell there. He kisses it, then lays his head upon it. “Hey there, baby girl.”

“Oh no.” Ellie covers her face with her hands in embarrassment. “Oh, you’re not going to talk to her, are you?”

He lifts his head and furrows his brows at her, offended. “She’ll have ears in five short weeks.” 

“Five _long_ weeks.” 

But she loves that he knows that.

He lays his head back down. “Don’t worry, darlin'. Mummy is just secretly more of a cynic than Daddy is. But she doesn’t want anybody to know.”

“Alec, no,” Ellie whines, though the faint laughter underneath her distress is betraying her. 

“_You_ are goin’ to be the most _gorgeous_ little girl in the British Isles,” he says into her skin. “Once you stop lookin’ like an amorphous blob.”

Ellie’s laughter is full-bodied now. He lifts his head and fixes her with a boyish grin.

“You’re _daft_,” she says.

Outside, there’s the slamming of a car door and Fred’s voice mingles with Lucy’s in the air. 

“Our secret for now?” Alec asks.

Her smile confirms it. “Our secret for now.”

***


End file.
